To boldly go where men shouldn’t go …
Well, at the suggestion of the GI nurse (not the military kind, however), I finally opened the mysterious package that I ordered for $30.50 from the “Colon Prep Center”. I was reluctant to look inside and left it on the bathroom shelf. But today begins the five day countdown, so I carefully carried to the table, and opened it.
Inside was a big medicine bottle, a stapled sheaf of instructions with the receipt, and odd and ends in a Ziplock® package. But, hallelujah! Nothing was made of rubber.
1 – 8.3 oz. bottle of Polyethylene Glycol 3350. Also called Miralax. It turns a nice firm stool into a high velocity brown stream.
5 – Bisacodyl tablets (but I am only supposed to take 4. So why did they send five. Hmmm? You call them Ducolax.
3 – Sugar free drink mix packets … to mix into a Polyethylene Glycol cocktail.
5 – individually wrapped aloe flushable wipes by Pure Touch® … called “Tush Wipes” in case there is any confusion as to how to use them.
1 – Complementary box lemon Jello®
3 – Complementary packets of chicken broth
1 – pkt of forms, instructions and receipts.
But, did I mention: Nothing was made of rubber nor designed to be inserted?!
Much of the above is mixed into a quart pitcher of that I will drink half of at four in the afternoon the day before, and get up at three am to finish it off. Somehow, I think I shant need to set an alarm.
In the morning, Snookums will drive me to town and into the hospital parking lot, ride up the elevator to the “laboratory” (it better have a lavatory as well!), I’ll be given a “strong” sedative, and the procedure begins. From their webpage http://www.colonprepcenter.com
Once you are comfortable in the proper position, your doctor will begin by performing a gentle finger examination of your rectum wearing a clean, lubricated glove. Then the flexible endoscope will be lubricated and placed inside. You will feel a little pressure when this happens. The endoscope is then carefully moved up through your rectum and colon.
I was going to include some bowl samples, but Snookums said that I probably gave you enough information already. So there you have it. Another of life’s indignities in the aging process.
5 thoughts on “To boldly go where men shouldn’t go …”
April 20, 2015 at 9:48 am
Have you done this before? I’ve been through it once and likely never again… the doc nearly gave me a heart attack by calling me from his personal cell phone to give me the results the next day. I was under the impression they only call folks for bad news, but nope, he said I had the most beautiful colon he’d ever laid eyes on. (does anyone else think that’s kinda creeepy?) Anyway, here’s an unasked for helpful hint = borrow one or two of snookums feminine pads and place one in the rear section of your underwear, just in case… Women always think of this trick, men seldom do.
April 20, 2015 at 10:11 am
I had it done as an outpatient once before, and once while being hospitalized for another problem as well. No enema’s this session, however. (Joy! Joy!)
Wow! That was kind of a creepy thing for the doctor to say. Not sure I would want him messing around my caboose! I’ll bet his love letters would be interesting in a raw sort of way …
Snooks is a bit beyond the pad phase of life … but I do have some male pampers left over from looking after a male friend in the last stages of his life. Maybe I’ll take a couple of them along … good suggestion!
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April 20, 2015 at 10:16 am
Better to be prepared than to clean up later. I think he was expecting something dire and was relieved to find nothing. I told him that his words were rather on the creepster side, he’s a young doc and I think it was an attempt at humor.
April 20, 2015 at 9:50 am
By the way, it feels wayyyyy weird liking this one. Good luck with your procedure dude.
April 20, 2015 at 10:14 am
LOL! Yeah. Jared Morgenstern is man who invented Facebook’s Like button. He made his mark and decided to quit while he is ahead.
We need a “don’t like and a “yeah, I read it” button … 😀