Rusty's Armory

Gentleman at yer service, Ma’am …

Posted on July 29, 2018

I have read several friends blogs recently who are lamenting the sad state of eligible mates in the world today. The more interesting reads were from the feminine side of the conflict. I am glad I am not in the dating game anymore. I think I would fail miserably as every girls dream date. In fact, I don’t think I would make it as any girls dream date. Suave is not my middle name and a lass looking for a LTR would only consent to a continued relationship if she was in abject terror at being alone.  I am like the last potato in the grocery bin when it comes to desirability.

I started listing the criticisms as they cropped up

1^st fail. I drive up to the neutral meeting spot in a mommy van with peeling paint on the hood.

2^nd fail. Black socks, chino’s, brown shoes, stretch belt, blue polo shirt and straw cowboy hat.

3^rd fail. I would either try for a full hug, or resort to a firm conventioneer’s handshake.

4^th fail. I would be afraid of even the most casual glance toward her bosom and would compensate for that by staring into her eyes, never letting my gaze drop below the nose stud while trying to hide my disgust with things fastened into snot. A lip ring would immediately cause retching at the thought of kissing someone with one.

5^th fail. I would open the door for her, treating her like a subhuman that totally lacked the facility to operate doorlatches without the help of an overbearing male who stomps on a women’s soul … *huff* *huff* *huff*

6^th fail. I would either be clingy as all hell or so insufferably aloof that the world would appear to revolve around me. I have no neutral gears.

… Unfortunately, I don’t have time to compile an exhaustive list of my undesirable qualities. It would be a long one. I guess I’ll just have to keep the woman I’ve got.