I Long For A Better World

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Shabbat morning dawns with the clatter of Snookums feeding her animals.  But this morning she is having problems remembering what she has just done.  Normally we have coffee and coffee cake the first thing, and it is a simple setup.  I lay out the blood-pressure cuffs, thermometers, pulse-ox machine and scales, and I take our vitals.  Once I get that done, I take my insulin while she sets the table with a knife to cut the cake, two butter plates, two forks, a glass of water (shared) and we make small talk while sipping coffee and chewing on the coffee cake.

But this morning she was having difficulty remembering how to do that, and I sat on my hands to keep from ‘helping’ her.  I am male.  I rescue females.  That’s what I do.  But rescuing my Snookums is exactly the wrong thing to do, so I gently remind her of what is missing.

On Shabbat mornings, she listens to a podcast from our former congregation since we no longer attend services anywhere.  And she remembers that she does that, but often needs help with starting her PC.  She seems to find the podcast without my help, however.  So, I resolve to keep a close watch on her without hovering over her.

Next week we visit the cardiologist to discuss a tachycardia event she had while she was hospitalized. I think it was more because of the acute bladder pain she was having.  After they got her bladder catheterized, her heart rate became stable again.  But the neurologist seems to feel that though it was the pain that triggered the AFib, it still shows that she may have heart problems as well. Stroke and irregular heartbeat often go together.

We had a hard rain yesterday that was quickly soaked up by the parched earth.  It always amazes me so that the native ground cover springs back to life so quickly after a drought.  Already the fields are turning green, the tree leaves seem a bit brighter, and the land recovers.

And we had a water main break the other day, and we still are under a boil water notice.  I laid in a stock of bottled water to use in the interim.  Such is life in the rural pampas.  You must be prepared for utility outages that can last several days.

The national news is still a dismal swamp, and I wonder why I even bother to read the news.  It isn’t going to get better anytime soon, and maybe it won’t ever get better.  I am certain the birth pangs of a failed civilization have begun.  Yet I am not morbid about it.  It must happen.

Next month I go on hospice care.  Not the kind of hospice where you die in 30 days, but now the doctors will come to my house, order prescriptions, make blood draws etc.  I have mixed feelings about it, but it is something we will all face.  I want to stay around for Snookums if I can.  Even now, I don’t want her unprotected.

So goes the day, and so goes the week.  The day comes, and the day goes.  The rains come, and the rains go.  We are birthed, and we die. I long for a better world.

Shabbat Shalom!

6 thoughts on “I Long For A Better World

    Rivergirl said:
    August 20, 2022 at 1:31 pm

    I can’t imagine how hard it must be for
    you not to help your wife. It’s such a natural part of a loving marriage.
    And they can call it whatever they want, but if visiting doctors and nurses can make your life a little easier? I’m all for it.

    Liked by 1 person

    The Hinoeuma said:
    August 20, 2022 at 1:48 pm

    I long for a better world, too…

    Liked by 1 person

    Lia Storm said:
    August 21, 2022 at 2:07 pm

    Sigh, I have so much to say about all of this, but don’t really know the words. I will say that what I enjoy about your writing is it is so down to earth, the everyday things in your life. And even though some of it is hard I am sure, I just feel this sense of peace in your words. ❤️


    Rusty Armor responded:
    August 22, 2022 at 1:37 pm

    It is odd. I can be at peace in the midst of tragedy, and go ballistic because a graham cracker is broken in a new package. 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    Catherine said:
    August 24, 2022 at 2:06 pm

    I’m sending you a hug but really wish I could do more for you and Snookums.

    Liked by 1 person

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