Rusty's Armory

Ennui

Posted on March 29, 2023 Updated on March 29, 2023

So I sit in front of the glowing cyclops today trying to come up with something other than my continual carping about my lot in life and my maladies. 

Nothing comes to mind. My mind is a bale of cotton.  My eyes want to close in blissful sleep, but something pops them open again.  I have surveyed my ceiling from my bed.  The cobwebs are familiar friends.  Central air hums.  Air freshener whooshes.  Oscillating fan creaks and groans. Portable AC buzzes.

My nose itches.  Then my arm itches.  Then my forehead itches.  Then my cheek itches.  Then my leg itches.  Then my ears itch.  My shoulder hurts from the way I sleep on it.  I think soon I will tire of breathing and just stop.

Up in the middle of the night.  Another Tylenol.  More opiates.  Refill the water bottle.  Eat a few chunks of fresh pineapple and trudge back to bed and wait for everything to kick in. I feel the easing of the pain in my shoulder.  Good.  The Tylenol is going to work.  Then a sharp pain in the stomach and a burst of gas tells me the opiates are starting to work.  Check my sugars to be sure that I don’t crash.  Then the jaw clenching of the opiates followed by the relaxed breathing lets me know I am good for another four hours.

Watch the ceiling, day dream, float in the cotton, take a sip of water until daylight brightens the blinds.  Get up, start the coffee, eat a couple of pieces of toast, and take a huge number of pills.  Two morning shots of fast acting and slow acting insulin.  Sip coffee. 

I want to take my car to the battery place, but I need to call AAA to jump it.  But that won’t get done today.  I need to make an appointment with the dentist for both Snooks and I, but not today.  I just want to go back to bed.

Read the emails, make a few comments, read the news, make a few comments, read the social media, make a few comments.

Then sit in front of the PC waiting for inspiration that isn’t coming.