Rusty's Armory

“Reflections on Life: A Journey of Healing and Wisdom”

Posted on September 5, 2023

Well, the holiday has come and gone. Since every day feels like a holiday to me now, it went mostly unnoticed. I still have two family members who go to work, and I can tell what day it is by their groans of agony when the work week begins.

I’ve been noticing an improvement in my writing lately, which is a relief. Writing is my last refuge, and if I were to lose the ability to communicate, I’d truly feel lost.

Supposedly, today marks the end of the heat wave, and temperatures are expected to drop tomorrow. It might not be a significant drop, but at least the days of sweltering 100-degree weather are over, and we can look forward to autumn. I’m eager to get back to spending some time in the yard.

My wife, whom I affectionately call “Snookums,” gave us a scare this week when she wasn’t feeling well. She went to bed and stayed there, which is unusual for her. We worried it might be a stroke or arrhythmia, so we kept a close eye on her. Even though she may have felt alone, 14 pairs of eyes passed by her doorway and paused, watching her breathe. Fortunately, the following day, she seemed to have recovered, and all our concerns were forgotten.

Tomorrow, I have a meeting scheduled with the palliative care team. It seems I may have passed the worst of my crisis, or at least I hope so. I’m unsure whether to continue with their care or not. I think I’d like to keep them involved in my treatment plan because I don’t anticipate significant improvement. However, my kidney numbers have been gradually improving, even if only slightly.

I hope my ambition returns one day. I dislike feeling aimless for extended periods. Maybe God intends for me to embrace this phase of life as a time of reflection. I’ve read that God imparts a different wisdom to the elderly, and I can now attest to its truth. It may not necessarily be better, but it is different. Complexities in scripture become clearer, and I’m delighted by the revelations.

When I was a young man, I had different priorities, all given by God as well. A laborer needs encouragement, an idler requires motivation, a father must endure, a husband needs to express love outwardly, and an old man needs visions just to know that his labor was not in vain.

So, the day has led to noon. A nap is on the horizon.