Rusty's Armory

“Dawning Reflections: Navigating Life’s Unpredictable Journey”

Posted on September 24, 2023

My morning journal:

This Friday, I had a terrible night and really thought it was the big one (death). I struggled with the idea of waking the family and/or dialing 911, then decided to simply let it go and put it in the hands of God. Whatever it was, it broke around daylight, and I remained in bed the entire day and the next evening. I had a very short period of nausea around sundown, then returned to bed.

But Sunday dawned, and I felt almost human. I spent the day trying to get my blood sugars back in a normal range and rhythm. I am at that stage in life where the pain is going to dictate whether I see the medics or not. I don’t need to suffer with that. I am medicated to the 9nth degree as it stands now, and I am going to stop seeking cures.

None the less, I am not all that morbid. I am still going to do the implanted heart device soon. It is some sort of thing that stops arrhythmia. It runs on a battery that is placed under the skin and requires minor surgery from time to time to replace the battery. It supposedly reprimands the heart if it decides to step out of the straight and narrow by Tazing it or something. It has majorly messed up some other plans I have made for the next few months.

“Mentsch tracht, un Gott lakht,” as they say in Yiddish. Man plans, and God laughs, it would seem. I had three appointments, a family trip, and a few other items that all fell on that same day. So, I am trying to move things around, and that with the foggy brain that has remained with me over the weekend.

Not much new other than that is going on. The days have cooled, and a breeze heralds in to blow out the old and bring in the new. But I do notice the sunlight is weakening, and the birds, neeper-peepers, and bugs have all gone silent. The meadows look a bit spent. And it all closes in on my state of mind.

I think I am more weary than anything, even to the point of being weary with being weary. I am hoping for a little rally in my overall well-being. That would be nice. I could get so much in order. And the days roll on by. I idly watch life passing by on my little window into the internet and the big window behind me. I have a mirror set to the right of my PC that lets me look out the real window with a mere glance to the side.

Good morning.