Rusty's Armory

A Woman of Valor: A Confessional Chronicle

Posted on October 1, 2023

Sunday. I’ve survived. It’s a relief after the harrowing events of Friday night. Though I’m still catching my breath and my digestive system is protesting loudly, I’ve found a sense of calm amidst the storm. This week, I’m scheduled for the installation of a Dual Chamber Pacemaker, a procedure that holds hope for restoring my breathing and improving my overall well-being. I certainly hope so. I am incredibly weary.

Two score and three years ago, I met the love of my life during the early stages of my middle age. We were enveloped in a whirlwind of around 100 friends who constantly entered and exited our lives, some swiftly and others more gradually. It was a dynamic and ever-changing world for us.

On the day we announced our decision to marry, almost all of them advised Snookums against marrying me, and their concern was genuine. I was a wreck, struggling to navigate the free-spirited era of the ’60s. In fact, I was a mess, broken and fragmented. Yet, she married me, bought me a bright yellow pickup, and sent me south with the instructions to call for her once I found work.

She transformed me into a man. A line from a poem in the book of Proverbs, the 31st chapter, often resonates with me, titled “A woman of valor,” where the author proudly extols his wife. One line that particularly strikes me is Proverbs 31:23:

“Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.“

This verse epitomizes the respect and honor a husband receives due to the virtues and excellence of his capable and courageous wife, as described earlier in Proverbs 31. I haven’t needed to seek a woman of valor. I already have one. We vowed at the beginning that divorce was not an option (murder, however, wasn’t off the table), and all we asked of God was to allow us to grow old together. And here we are.

Something prompts me each morning to remind Snooks of how she sculpted a man out of a bundle of imperfections. Her short-term memory may falter due to the stroke, but the memories of our marriage remain vivid. Perhaps, one of these mornings, the words will find a permanent place in her long-term memory.

I’m uncertain about who will go first. Few are granted the privilege of choosing their moment to depart. I would prefer she precede me, as I understand the profound grief that follows, and I would spare her that pain. But whatever will be, will be. Blessed be He.

In the movie “Les Misérables” (2012), during the scene where Jean Valjean is on his deathbed, he imparts, “To love another person is to see the face of God.” This profound line encapsulates the theme of love and redemption, a theme Snookums has played a pivotal role in my life.

Like Valjean, I haven’t always been the man I should have been. Yet, she consistently overlooked my shortcomings and steered our lives back on course, never to bring them up again. This unwavering support has empowered me to stand among godly men. I didn’t earn that right—it was bestowed upon me.

So, the wheel of days continues its relentless turn. Someday, it will all crumble into unimaginable sorrow for those unfortunate souls who remain. I’ve read the book, and I’m grateful I won’t witness that day. I cling precariously to a belief. I had previously written that it was all in vain, but that was a thoughtless and despairing remark. I deeply repent for my words.

Later this month, Snookums will reunite with her cousins, likely for the last time. I am comforted by the thought that she will have this final opportunity. The aunts and uncles are no longer here. Her brother and sister reside half a continent away. She laid her mother to rest and left everything behind to follow me.

In this moment, I am both cleansed and heartbroken.

Good morning.