Rusty's Armory

They don’t make Jews like Jesus anymore.

Posted on April 30, 2015

I don’t know how I got off on this today. I was listening to Toby Keith singing I’ll never smoke weed with Willy again! I don’t have much in the way of tact. My old drinking buddies once took up a collection to send me to charm school, but it was just about the same amount of mony it took to buy a round of drinks, so …

Anyway, this sort of cheered up my morbibity today …

Well, a redneck nerd in a bowling shirt was a-guzzlin’ Lone Star beer
Talking religion and-uh politics for all the world to hear.
“They oughta send you back to Russia, boy, or New York City one
You just want to doodle a Christian girl and you killed God’s only son.”

I said, “Has it occurred to you, you nerd, that that’s not very nice,
We Jews believe it was Santa Claus that killed Jesus Christ.”
“You know, you don’t look Jewish,” he said, “near as I could figger
I had you lamped for a slightly anemic, well-dressed country nigger.“

No, they ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore,
They don’t turn the other cheek the way they done before.
He started in to shoutin’ and a-spittin’ on the floor,
“Lord, they ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore.”

He says, “I ain’t a racist but Aristitle Onassis is one Greek we don’t need
And them niggers, Jews and Sigma Nus, all they ever do is breed.
And wops ‘n micks ‘n slopes ‘n spics ‘n spooks are on my list
And there’s one little hebe from the heart of Texas — is there anyone I missed?”

Well, I hits him with everything I had right square between the eyes.
I says, “I’m gonna gitcha, you son of a bitch ya, for spoutin’ that pack of lies.
If there’s one thing I can’t abide, it’s an ethnocentric racist;
Now you take back that thing you said ‘bout Aristitle Onassis.”

No, they ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore,
We don’t turn the other cheek the way we done before.
You could hear that honky holler as he hit that hardwood floor
“Lord, they sho’ ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore!”

All right!

No, they ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore,
We don’t turn the other cheek the way they done before.
You hear that honky holler as he hit that hardwood floor
Lord, they ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore.

Everybody!
They ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore,
They ain’t makin’ carpenters who know what nails are for.
Well, the whole damn place was singin’ as I strolled right out the door
“Lord, they ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore!”

No, we ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore,
We don’t turn the other cheek the way they done before.
Well, the whole damn place was singin’ as I strolled right out the door
“Lord, they ain’t makin’ Jews like Jesus anymore!”