On grieving and being a lout.
I was wondering what to say about my mother on her upcoming birthday. But then, grief is not something that I share with others. No one really knows whether I grieve or not, nor really cares for that matter. And honestly, they shouldn’t. Grief is an intensely personal thing and should be respected as such. I personally loath the public displays of some traditions that wail, throw themselves on the ground, and inflict their grief on everyone else.
Yeah. I know. I am an insensitive lout. So, sue me.
I do accept some traditions that wear black arm bands or cover themselves in black veils. You do have to go out amongst them. Life is that way. Stand on any street corner and watch the people pass. I don’t know what the statistics are, but I wouldn’t be surprised if one out of every ten that passed you would be carrying that awful burden of loss with them. Who likes thoughtlessly telling someone who lost a close family or friend to have a great day?
I am ever at a loss to respond to the loss of others. Grief sucks. Really sucks. There is no consolation. If you know I am grieving, kindly say you are saddened too, and leave it there. Politeness and kindness is OK. But keep it brief.
And yeah. I miss my mom and regret that I sucked as a son. And I did.
Rusty's Armory 
September 25, 2019 at 2:52 pm
The one that slayed me was 6 months after Nick passed, a friend told me I should be ‘over it’ and off effing someone else already..what was I WAITING for?
I was under the impression that she KNEW me and KNEW Nick’s and my relationship.
Apparently not.
Or she would not have said that.
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September 25, 2019 at 2:58 pm
I think that most people just don’t have their brain in gear when they make those type of comments. We don’t teach people how to deal with the grief of others. We just teach them important stuff like they can be any one or a combination of a hundred or so genders and inflict that on everyone.
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September 25, 2019 at 3:11 pm
well said Rusty
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September 25, 2019 at 4:38 pm
You’re right. Grief is a very personal thing and we all deal with it in our own way.
I’m not sure there are any right words to utter when someone is experiencing loss, so Ill just say this… I understand. And I’m sorry.
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September 25, 2019 at 5:59 pm
You’re a right smart feller. But, my friend, I had to chuckle (being too lazy to actually laugh) when I read “No one really knows whether I grieve or not…”
For all your occasional curmudgeonliness, you’re a caring, thinking, nurturing, basically NICE man. I might never guess who or what you grieve for, but I would bet everything I own you do it. Probably hard and often. You just don’t share it, and that’s ok.
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September 26, 2019 at 6:45 am
❤
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